The Pious Lady

An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer" Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"

Go To Hell

Two men were on a plane on a business trip when a Muslim couple boarded the plane and were seated right in front of them. The two men, eager to have some fun, started talking loudly. "My boss is sending me to Saudi Arabia", the one said, "But I don't want to go...too many Muslims there!" The Muslim couple noticeably heard and grew uncomfortable. The other guy laughed, "Oh, yeah, my boss wanted to send me to Pakistan but I refused...WAY too many Muslims!" Smiling, the first man said, "One time I was in Iran but I HATED the fact that there were so many Muslims!" The couple fidgeted. The other guy responded, "Oh, yeah...you can't go ANYWHERE to get away from them...the last time I was in FRANCE I ran into a bunch of them too!" The first guy was laughing hysterically as he added, "That is why you'll never see me in Indonesia...WAY too many Muslims!" At this, the Muslim man turned around and responded politely, "Why don't you go to Hell?", he asked, "I hear there's not very many Muslims THERE!"

The Golden Telephone

An American decided to write a book about famous Mosques around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a Mosque taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to Allah. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large Mosque, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he had seen in China and he asked a nearby Holy man what its purpose was. He told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to Allah. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to India, Sri Lanka, Russia, Turkey, Israel, France, Germany,. In every Mosque he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to Pakistan to see if Pakistanis had the same phone. He arrived in Pakistan, and again, in the first Mosque he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Imam, I have traveled all over World and I have seen this same golden telephone in many Mosques. I am told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere the price was $10,000 per call."

"Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You are in Pakistan now, son - it is a local call".

The Three Wise Men

One day some wise men, who were going about the country trying to find answers to some of the great questions of their time, came to Mulla Nasruddin's district and asked to see the wisest man in the place. Mulla Nasruddin was brought forward, and a big crowd gathered to listen.

The first wise man began by asking, "Where is the exact center of the world?"

"It is under my right heel," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"How can you prove that?" asked the first wise man.

"If you don't believe me," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "measure and see."

The first wise man had nothing to answer to that, so the second wise man asked his question. "How many stars are there in the sky?" he said. "As many as there are hairs on my donkey," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"What proof have you got of that?" asked the second wise man.

"If you don't believe me," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "count the hairs on my donkey and you will see."

"That's foolish talk," said the other. "How can one count the hairs on a donkey?"

"Well," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "How can one count the stars in the sky? If one is foolish talk, so is the other." The second wise man was silent.

The third wise man was becoming annoyed with Mulla Nasruddin and his answers, so he said, "You seem to know a lot about your donkey, so can you tell me how many hairs there are in its tail?"

"Yes," answered Mulla Nasruddin. "There are exactly as many hairs in its tail as there are in your beard."

"How can you prove that?" said the other.

"I can prove it very easily," answered Mulla Nasruddin. "You can pull one hair out of my donkey's tail for every one I pull out of your beard. If the hairs on my donkey's tail do not come to an end at exactly the same time as the hairs in your beard, I will admit that I was wrong."

Of course, the third wise man was not willing to do this, so the crowd declared Mulla Nasruddin the winner of the day's arguments.

Challenging Allah

A young man in a village refused to believe that Allah has total control of everything. He claimed that Allah cannot make him eat food if he didn't want to eat. To prove his point, he decided to stay hungry for a day and see if Allah can make him eat. His mother tried her best to stop this foolishness but he paid no attention. Annoyed of his mother in the evening, he decided to climb a tree and isolate himself there. Being compassionate, his mother decided to leave the food under the tree incase her son finally gives up and wants to eat. When the night fell, a group of robbers were passing by that tree. They noticed a plate of delicious food placed under the tree. They looked at each other in amazement and thought that someone must be playing a trick on them. May be someone is trying to poison them with good food. They looked around to see if there was anyone nearby and noticed the young man on top of the tree. The robbers got him down and told him to eat the food to see if it is poisoned. But the young man refused to eat as he is still carrying on his challenge against Allah. The robbers became suspicious and started beating the young man to eat. He gave up and started eating. Seeing that the food was not poisoned, the robbers left him and went away. Finally, the young man admitted that yes, Allah has total control of everything!

The Turban

The wit and wisdom of Mulla Nasruddin never leaves him tongue-tied. One day an illiterate man came to Mulla Nasruddin with a letter he had received.

Mulla Nasruddin, please read this letter to me. Mulla Nasruddin looked at the letter, but could not make out a single word. So he told the man.

I am sorry, but I cannot read this. The man cried:

Shame, Mulla Nasruddin! You must be ashamed before the turban you wear (i.e. the sign of education).

Mulla Nasruddin removed the turban from his own head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man, said:

There, now you wear the turban. If it gives some knowledge, read the letter yourself.

Walnut And Pumpkin

One hot day, Mulla Nasruddin was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree. After a time, he started eyeing speculatively, the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree.

Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! He mused. Just fancy letting tiny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines!

Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on Mulla Nasruddin's bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:

Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!

Old Grave

One day, Mulla Nasruddin said to his friends: "If I die, bury me in an old grave." "Why", asked his friends. "Because", he explained, "if the angels come, I'll tell them that I died years before and have already been questioned and then they will return the way they came."

The Imam's Horse

An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test drive. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you have to say Alhamdulillah and to make it stop, you have to say Allahu Akbar. The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah and the horse started running faster and faster. All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on. Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered Allahu Akbar and said it out loud. The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky and said Alhamdulillah!

Did You Cry?

Mullah Nasruddin was walking down a street when he bumps into Yusef Islam,
a convert to Islam. "Salam-Alaikum brother Yusuf!" Mullah Nasruddin said excitedly.
"Alaikum-salam, brother!" replied Yusuf.
"I have this question I have been wanting to ask you for a LONG LONG time, and now, since you are here, may I ask it?" "
Go ahead, brother, you may." replied Yusuf.
"When you became a Muslim, did you cry?"
"Indeed I did." replied Yusuf.
"ME TOO! ME TOO!" exclaimed Mullah Nasruddin excitedly.
"When did you become Muslim?" asked Yusuf curiously.
"When I was born!" Mullah Nasruddin replied proudly.

If Allah Is Willing

Nasruddin was determined to be decisive and efficient. One day he told his wife he would plow his largest field on the far side of the river and be back for a big dinner. She urged him to say, "If Allah is willing."

He told her whether Allah was willing or not, that was his plan. The frightened wife looked up to Allah and asked forgiveness.

Nasruddin loaded his wooden plow, hitched up the oxen to the wagon, climbed on his donkey, and set off.

But within the short span of a day the river flooded from a cloudburst and washed his donkey downstream, and one of the oxen broke a leg in the mud, leaving Nasruddin to hitch himself in its place to plow the field.

Having finished only half the field, at the sunset he set out for home exhausted and soaking wet. The river was still high so he had to wait until long past dark to cross over.

After midnight a very wet but much wiser Nasruddin knocked at his door. Who is there Asked his wife.

I think it is me, Nasruddin, he replied, if Allah is willing!

The Old Woman

An old woman came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) that I will enter Paradise." He said jokingly, "O Mother of So-and-so, no old women will enter Paradise." The old woman went away crying, so the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Tell her that she will not enter Paradise as an old woman, for Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) says: (We have created [their Companions] of special creation, and made them virgin-pure [and undefiled]) (Qur'an 56:35-36)." Reported by al-Tirmidhi, it is hasan because of the existence of corroborating reports.

Do You Know?

Once, the people of the city invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a speech. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left. Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!

Good & Bad News

Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

Anti-Islamic Journalism

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.